I'm pretty sure unsure-ness isn't a word, but I'm going to roll with it.
So, I recently got a job. My first job mind you, and it's not exactly where I thought I would be. I mean, it's not a bad first job...I think. Sure, it has absolutely nothing to do with the degree that I graduated in last May. but I felt like with my current situation and the fact that I have no experience whatsoever, I just felt like I needed a source of income. I don't love my job, nor do I hate it. I guess you could saw I'm content with it, knowing that I'm getting paid. Because I feel like I need to gain experience in a working environment and references that aren't my friends. I don't plan on staying there for too long, or at least two years max. But as of right now, I'm just glad that I got hired and currently getting a paycheck every Friday. It's already been close to a month and I'm already having less than positive thoughts.
Now, you'd think that your parent would somehow be happy at the fact that their child is getting an income and doesn't have to ask you to pay for things. I'm not saying that my parent was 100% like this, but more like 60-70%. While my parent was glad to hear the news, it just didn't seem enough. I understand that my parent wants the best for me, and wants me to get a job in relation to what I graduated in, but can't you just be happy that I got a job? Frequently bringing up how I need to transfer to a different position and keep applying to places even though I just got hired doesn't seem like you're supporting me. Like, seriously? The notion that I made a mistake of taking this job and not trying to look for a job in my major is beginning to gnaw at my brain. I can't help but question my actions now.
Should have I waited and kept looking? Have I taken multiple steps back by getting this job? Am I wasting my time? Am I going to amount to nothing? Will I live a less than mediocre life while everyone is on the right track but me? Have I ruined any promising future I could have had because I took this job?
I hate feeling like this. I hate that the answer to all of these questions is most likely a yes. I hate that my parent is probably correct. It just makes me feel like a loser, someone who accomplished nothing. I have no goals or a path I'm aiming for because I don't even know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Which is even worse if you think about it. A failure before I even get started. I just hate this feeling.
What am I doing with my life...
J
